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Monday, February 4, 2008

Yearning

When I was about 35 I had a voglia. That’s Italian for a deep yearning. At least that’s what it means from the part of Italy my mother’s family is from.

I could not shake this. It just ate and ate at me. I was a happily married teacher with 2 children and I desperately wanted to have another child. My mother chided me to be grateful for what I had.

And I was! But voglia defies reason. The kids were finally getting older-7 and 11. We were getting older. Everyone was healthy, happy. Everything was really just fine.


I decided what I needed to do was make a pro and con list.
The con list was very long:

possibility of health issues as an older expectant mom
babysitting costs
starting all over again
another college to pay for-maybe in retirement years
how would it affect other kids
kids now self reliant
both in school, etc.

Very practical list! Very reasonable!

The pro list had one word on it:

Towhead


And you know what? Sometimes the pro list wins. Sometimes you have a yearning so deep in your heart, you defy what everyone says, you drop out of a doctorate program as I did, and you follow your heart. You know what is right for you; you know what it is that gives your life meaning.

So when I was 38, at Thanksgiving, I gave birth to our youngest daughter. My husband was over the moon. My son, 12 at the time (now 19), is her godfather and a bigger spoiler you cannot find! Her sister was happy to have a friend. My mother told me to never listen to her again.

And you know what? I’m not as far along in my job as I could be. I never finished my doctorate. But I am content in the places in my heart where you can only be when you know you have made the right decision for yourself.

Each morning I drop my 7 year old off to school and she says, “Mom, we’ll hold hands in our minds all day, right?” and I say yes. I send her off with a kiss and watch her towhead pigtails skip across the grass and I smile to myself. My voglia.







33 comments:

Tracy said...

How happy I am for you that you and your family had this extra blessing :o) Such a beautiful, heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing. Happy Day ((HUGS))

Adrienne said...

Such a beautiful story of your blessing. Thank you for sharing it with us. She sounds like a sweetie! ~Adrienne~

Sandi McBride said...

And was she Tara? A toehead, I mean. My little Arianna is a towhead as we spell it here...beautiful white blond hair when a baby, deepened to gold now. I'm so happy for you that followed your "hankering".
Sandi

KarenHarveyCox said...

Tara I love that story. Having a heart's desire defies all logic. You are so blessed. Karen

Rosie's Whimsy said...

What a sweet story. I am so happy for you. :-)

kelly said...

sniff, so sweet!

Tara said...

Oh, yes, she's a toehead!
:0)

melissa @ the inspired room said...

That is precious! You've inspired me, I need to tell my story sometime. I too have a seven year old (a son)after many years of two girls (nearly 20 and 16 now)! He is a precious gift, exactly what my husband ordered! Yep, we're starting over! :-)

Thanks for reminding me to tell my story sometime! So touching to hear yours. We are kindred spirits!

xo
Melissa

Firefly Hill said...

Tara,
What a lovely story! I so enjoy your blog...

How are the bedroom renovations coming?

Annie

Mary said...

Oh Tara, what a sweet post! Enjoy your precious litle towhead! :)
xoxo,
mary

Counting Your Blessings said...

That is truly one of the most precious quotes from a child that I've ever heard! I made similar choices (never got my legal degree but I have 4 kids that are so much more dear!) Blessings.. Polly

Junebug said...

Oh that was good! Found you from countrydoctorswife blog. Hi!

Lori said...

Tara, How beautiful! I admire a woman more who follows her heart over a doctorate! There's always time for that! bravo to you! Lori

Alison Gibbs said...

Tara what a fabulous post.
You can't go wrong when you follow your heart.
Alison

Kari & Kijsa said...

This was a blessing! Beautifully said...off to go hug our little ones!

blessings,
kari & kijsa

Alexandra, Writing & Baking Enthusiast said...

What a great story...and so very, very sweet. Yes, sometimes it has nothing to do with logic, but all with the heart.
Alexandra

Lucky Loo said...

Tara, thanks for visiting my blog, it made me peek in on yours and was delighted to read and enjoy your great sence of style. thanks for sharing yourself with us all!
Kindest Regards Lorie :D
soulful adornments

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

Tara, what a wonderful story~I can just see her skipping into the school!
Penny

Nora Lee said...

Thank you so much for sharing. Your story moved my heart.
Sandra

Deb said...

Such a beautiful story Tara! There's much to be said about "following your heart" :-} I especially loved your daughter's sweet message!!

Ele at abitofpinkheaven said...

You my dear have made me cry. I can relate with everything you have said. My daughter was born when my sons were 8 and 9. The oldest boys are grown, but the relationship between them is very special. She is my blessing. It is refreshing to hear of someone else who is fulfilled with and by their children. Money, status....doesn't even compare to the sweetness of a little towhead....mine is also.

Barb McMahon said...

What a beutiful story,Tara! Thanks for sharing it with us!

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

I am grinning from ear to ear!

Rachel said...

Oh Tara, Your story is so touching. My sons are 17&15. My towhead is 4!

Brenda said...

Thanks for stopping by and I love the story. I had all of mine close and young. The empty nest is very hard. Thank God for grandbabies.

Rhondi said...

Hi Tara What a lovely story! It is always important to follow your heart and you did. This is my first visit. I found you from your comment on Adrienne's blog. Rhondi

All Things Bright and Beautiful... said...

Tara you make me smile :-) this is the loveliest post I have read all day - they joys of children :-)

annechovie said...

That is a beautiful story, Tara! The same thing happened to my mom and now I have a sister I would never have had who is my best friend! Thanks so much for dropping by my blog!

Cottage Contessa said...

This is such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing it, it's really very sweet and touching! Have a lovely day sweetie.
Amanda (aka Cottage Contessa)

GardenGoose said...

aww..I had my little baby number 3 just before I turned 37..so I know the feeling you are talking about.She'll be 4 soon.:0)

Sandi @the WhistleStop Cafe said...

What a beautiful post!
I love the fact that there is a word for that burning desire/makes no sense~ voglia. In the south we call that 'just cuz!'

OHmommy said...

“Mom, we’ll hold hands in our minds all day, right"

Does your heart melt? That is simply the sweetest things I have ever heard. You are so blessed!

Life on Bonnie Lane said...

I really loved this post. My voglia came after I miscarried an "ooops" baby. My now ex-husband already had two sons by his first wife, I already had my daughter, and we had our son together, and we didn't want any more children. When I miscarried, the doctor offered to tie my tubes before I left, but I told him NO, and am so glad I did. Two months later I was in tears yearning for a baby, and when I told my husband I really wanted another baby after all, he started crying too and said he felt the same. My youngest son is 16 years younger than his oldest brother, and my daughter was a senior in high school when her baby brother was starting kindergarten, but he is the the baby I told everyone I was having just for the pure pleasure of it. I've never regretted it for one moment!